A typical day here (#5)

I'm pretty much on Sam's daytime schedule with Lisa.  Being down the hall, with my door closed and the super sonic ceiling fan running, I have no idea when he wakes in the night (nearly every 2 hours).  Sara goes to school Sunday - Thursday.  I have been waking with her and going with Lisa and/or Abu upstairs to his parent's apartment for breakfast.  Because Lisa and Abu have not been in this apartment long, their kitchen is not yet functional.  For example, a refrigerator just arrived yesterday.  Table wear, pots and pans, etc. are in the plan for next month.  I offered to help by going shopping with Lisa for these items, but Abu said that because there is a plan it would be an insult for me to involve myself and make a short-cut in the plan.  The last thing I want to do is be insulting to my/our family here!  We have some snacks collected down here, but full meals are taken upstairs.

Hanging out in my room

My room during the day

Ready for sleeping

Lisa, Sara and I eat separately.  This is not a cultural thing.  It is practical for 3 reasons.  1) There is not room at the dining table for all of us. 2) We eat less spicy foods and therefore our meals are prepared separately. 3) Eating together at each meal would be far more formal than would make sense three times a day.

Our breakfast has been eggs, toast, peanut butter, and tea (until our trip to the food market when I bought instant coffee... which is like a slice of home.)  After breakfast, Sara goes to school.  Lisa and I tend to Sam, taking turns holding, changing, walking, rocking and burping him.  She's fully in charge of his meals.  There are maids here and so they come into the rooms each day to sweep and wash the floors.  The dust here will cover and bury everything if not removed regularly.

When Sara is home, I spend time playing with her or reading, or simply being on hand when she needs/wants something and Lisa is occupied with Sam.

Lunch is usually between 2-4.  Dinner is 8-9.  Abu's family eats at 10 pm.  During the day we've gone to the roof to walk around or hang out.

I haven't ventured out much on my own.  This morning I did walk down the street and around the corner to Gloria Jean's, a fantastic coffee shop.  From there I walked further down the street just to see the sites.  I dress in a long skirt and wear a scarf around my shoulders as is the custom here.  Of course I still stand out and it feels odd to be watched so closely.  At one point a young man began to walk next to me and started chatting asking how I am and where I'm from.  In a few more steps he turned off onto another street and I kept walking.  I've been warned to take precautions about pickpockets and purse snatchers.  That is unsettling, but not enough to make me stay inside all day, all week, as I would be doing otherwise.  Lisa hopes to be able to leave Sam with Abu for a couple hours one day so that we can walk to some of the neighborhood shops together.

Out and About (#4)

Garage and car

Out and About

Out and about

The days are running one into another, so I'll just say "recently" Lisa, Sam and I went to two local markets in the afternoon.  It was arranged that the driver would take us to each market, park and wait.  The first shop was more Western than most.  I tried on a number of Shalwar Kameez and learned that in the US, I wear sz small.  Here, I need a large!  I did find one top that I love.  It is a silk blend that looks black purple.  It has beads down the front and around the sleeves.  We also bought a cute little outfit for Sami.  Here, the baby boys wear a triangle looking scarf that ties like a diaper, over the diaper.  Lisa did not find any pants for newborns.

The second market was for food.  We shopped for items we could make, like pasta.  This store was very much like the ones in France when I lived in Avignon.  The prices were fixed and therefore, higher than at the open markets where everything is negotiable.  The fixed prices made it possible for Lisa and I to simply decide if the asking price worked for us or not without knowing the going local rates.  At home, we would have paid slightly less for the foods we chose.

A taste of America

Bilquis knew that I paid more for my new top than I would have with her along in the open markets.  I told her I'd love to go with her if she has time.  She made time tonight!  We walked about 2 blocks to an open space off the congested, fast moving street.  We stepped inside and there I saw a labyrinth of pathways with (mostly) closet sized shops wall to wall.  The first items stuffed in there were furniture!  We're talking big bed frames, tables and mattresses.  Next, was a tiny shop in which 3 of us standing in there needed to move in order to make room for someone to reach into their wallet!  Here, she bought crackers, chips and Coke.  They put it all aside and held it for her while we continued on.

We saw gold jewelry from Dubai.  I tried on a beautiful bracelet in the shop where   buys some of her items.  The price was 95,000 taka/$1,200.  Ah... maybe in another life.

We looked at some fabrics.  I want to have a top or Shalwar Kameez made for me.  Because their prices were higher than we can find elsewhere, Bilquis told me she will take me to another market another day.  Lisa hopes to come too.  It all depends on Sam's schedule.  He is eating every 2 hours or so.

Family Visit
Abu's father, Wahid, has family in a nearby part of town.  We all were invited to dinner at the home of one of his brothers, Shansul, and his wife, Bilquis.  Another sister, Roshenara, and brother-in-law, Dr. Amirul, visiting from London, were also there.  I wore a beautiful Shalwar Kameez that my co-worker, Tambra loaned me.  I fit right in!

Bilquis, me, Roshenara  and Sara

The food and hospitality were excellent!  The table was filled with plate after plate of  tasty items.  Auntie Bilquis had taken my need for "not too spicy" into consideration (Roshenera said she liked it that way too).  There were beef, chicken and shrimp curry dishes, boiled eggs in a sort of coconut sauce (I loved it), biriyani, kabob, and aloo'r chop (deep fried mashed potato).  I swear I ate more in this one meal than the rest of the time I've been here.  Then, there was dessert!  She served a rice pudding and a sort of caramel custard with chopped fruit on top.  Fabulous!  I was worried I'd lose weight while here, but clearly, it is going to be the other way around.

Bilquis, Sara's Dadi (Paternal Grandmother)

Sara dancing for us

Miss performer!

Before leaving, the family members gathered at the door as we were saying good-bye.  They told me that in their culture when a couple gets married, it is not just the two people who are wed, the families become one.  Then one of the aunts said, "Lisa belongs to us now, and so do you."  I am invited to visit in London and they mean it.  They want to know when I can come!  I let them know how much I appreciate hearing and knowing that they embrace Lisa, especially.  It is hard for me to think of her here without family.  Now I know she is in loving hands.  I joked then and said, "Well then, where is my room?"  At once, 3 people began talking and pointing down the hall, saying, "We have several empty rooms now, you can pick!"

Meeting Samiul! (#3)

Meeting Samiul!
When we got to the house, Lisa was right there with the baby in her arms.  It was great to finally be able to hold my sweet new grandson and to hug my daughter.  Skype is a Godsend.  It helps us bridge the gap between visits, to keep in touch regularly and to actually spend time together over the miles when we would otherwise feel the pain of separation all the more.  Being with loved ones in person, however, reigns!

It may be difficult to see in the pictures that Sam has fair colored skin.  Unlike his sister, Sam has Lisa's coloring.  He resembles Sara once in awhile, but to me he looks all boy.  His crop of black hair feels like fine silk!  I can see that his eyes are beginning to focus more each day.  He follows the sound of his mother's voice like a baby bird with his mouth open.  He makes funny faces that crack us up!  Lisa nicknamed him Walter, after Walter Matthau, in Grumpy Old Men.  Mostly, he looks like a little angel.  He is a very strong infant!  It could be that I don't remember that all new babies lift their head, raise their upper body when on their tummy and roll themselves over... or I could be right that this is one strong baby!

Sara came home from school about an hour after my arrival.  She seemed shy with me.  At home, she would run into my arms calling, "Nani!"  Today she was tentative and silent.  My eyes filled with tears!  I wondered if she had forgotten me.  I thought my heart would break.  I approached her slowly and when I hugged her she began to tell me all the busy plans she had for us.  Thank goodness!  Since then, we've had sleepovers in my room, like we used to do in MN.  She told me she remembers going to my house, the park, pool, and playground near by.  She talked about the games we've played and how she wants to do all of that again when they go  back to America. 

Foods
Abu's mother, Bilquis, has been great about cooking "plain" foods for me.  Her cook, who has been with the family for over 10 years, needed to take a leave to care for her ailing father.  The maids in the house do not know how to cook and so Abu's mother must supervise or assist/teach.  I am sorry for this extra burden.  Our second night she made a "pasta" that was what we'd call a "hotdish" at home!  I appreciate this because the foods they eat are too spicy for me.  Every food item here is vastly different than home.  Most of the time I have no idea what we are eating.

Weather
While I'd been looking forward to a shower, I was not eager for one without hot water!  The water tanks are outside and heat naturally in the sun.  The best time to shower is in late afternoon.  Even then, the shower is not hot.  What is hot is the air temperature.  It was 95 degrees today and very humid.  The coolish shower is not a problem after all.  We had one thunderstorm two nights ago.  It did not bring as much cool air in as hoped, but the thunder and rain were incredible!  It gets down to the high 80s at night.  Each of the apartments have a room AC in the master bedroom.  Lisa and Abu's arrived yesterday.  It is well appreciated for a nursing mother and new born.  My room has a high powered fan that does a very good job of cooling.  Most nights I sleep with a light blanket over me.

Roof top view

View from the roof

Up on the roof

The mosquitoes are fewer in number in the hot weather.  There are always a few around so we all sleep under netting, but compared to the winter months here, the mosquito  bites are less.  As I write this (on my 5th day here) I have about a dozen bites.  We watch Sam very carefully.  Even so, he has about 3-4 bites on his tender skin.  Infants cannot  wear any kind of repellent until 3 months old.  Lisa and I don't want repellent we wear to transfer onto Sam so this leaves a lot of uncovered skin.  Sara is rarely bothered by mosquitoes.  Lucky girl!







Hospital/clinic visit
I went with Sara, Sam and Abu to the clinic for a well-baby check and post-delivery.  The most unique aspect from how we do things in the US is that doctors each stay put in their own office.  The patients come sit in front of their Dr. at his/her desk.  It feels like an interview.  All notes are hand written into a file that the patient takes with them and needs to bring back each time.  There is an exam table behind the chairs at the desk and a curtain to make that space private from visitors, like me.  Lisa and Sam are doing well.

In this culture staring is not considered to be rude.  When Lisa went to the clinic for her pregnancy, she was the center of attention.  This time, little Sam was the star of the show.  One little girl asked if she could take his picture.  He is adorable!

Wednesday, March 20 (#2)

I've arrived in Dhaka!  Once off the plane we all stood in long immigration lines.  The "Foreigners" line was much shorter than the others but still took at least 30 mins to get through.  From there, everyone went to baggage claim.  After 20 mins, I began to worry that I was at the wrong baggage return.  I went searching through the 3 other choices and then came upon the biggest pile of "lost and found" luggage.  Imagine the floor of a room 20x15 covered completely by bags piled at some points 2-3 deep.  Where were the owners of these bags?!  Thankfully, my bags were not in that vast wasteland.  By the time all the luggage was off the plane and available to us, everyone in the long immigration lines was waiting with us.  A friendly local man waiting next to me must have sensed my concern.  He said that picking up luggage in Bangladesh always takes a long time.  Since then, others have said that Emirates flights are the ones that take so long... maybe because these are huge international flights with hundreds of people.  In any case, knowing that the wait was expected/normal, I relaxed and had confidence my bags would show up.  And after more than an hour, they did.

"We've lost Mom in Bangladesh!" 

The last phase of getting here was to exit the terminal and stand at the curb to wait for Abu and their driver to come fetch me.  This is where it would have been really good for all of us to have the same understanding of how, where and when this was to happen.  Unfortunately, there were a few communication issues:

*  My cell phone wasn't working to call Abu and/or Lisa.

*  I was at the Terminal 1 exit and they were at Terminal 2

*  My plane landed at 8:30 and that is when Abu arrived to pick me up.  With the delays  I described, even if I'd been right where Abu thought he'd find me, it would have been over 2 hours later.   

*  Lisa was frantic without anyway to reach me.  She called her brother, Ryan, (at 1:30am MN time to see if he would be able to track down my flight and find out if I was actually on it.  

*  Ryan was sound asleep and didn't quite comprehend.  Once he did, he tracked my flight, made a call to Emirates and learned that I was indeed on the plane.

*  Abu left his driver to circle the airport till he was dizzy.  Meanwhile, he begged his way into the secure part of the airport in order to look for me.  

*  Strangers who noticed that I'd been waiting for what was clearly an unusual amount of time insisted I use their cell phones in order to call for help.  (In the hour I waited I used 3 separate cell phones.)

*  I was calling the house phone and not Abu's cell phone.

*  Call #1 was answered by a woman speaking Bengali.  This turned out to be the maid.  I talked at her and she talked at me - there was a pause and we both hung up.

*  Calls #2-4 were answered by Abu's brother.  First, he was sleeping (like Ryan on the other side of the world) and didn't comprehend.  He hung up.  By the fourth try, he repeated what I'd been saying all along and said he understood and would get the message to Abu.

At that point, I heaved a sigh of relief, hung up and looked around to hand the phone back to the stranger.  As I did, there was Abu, standing behind me!  I find it ironic that the only communication issues I had were not because of different languages!

Little green taxis

Traffic in Dhaka

Abu and Lisa live about 20 mins from the airport--when there is no traffic, which would be due to a national strike.  On my son's recent visit here, Ryan happened to fly in during a strike, so it was a speedy trip from airport - home.  When Abu and I got into traffic it was mid-day and the peak of congestion.  The positive side of the hour + trip home is that I got to see most everything in slow motion.  I was stunned to see people walking between the (jammed) cars and selling anything from maps to washcloths!  There were also women and children begging at the windows.  This was heart wrenching!

School bus filled with  students

Vehicles come and go through the literal bumper-to bumper traffic.  Every move seemed risky to me and everyone honksThere were no rickshaws on the "highway" but there were mini-taxis and interesting looking vehicles that I had to ask what they were--like the mobile jail for transporting prisoners.  It seemed that every road was under some kind of construction.  The workers were in regular clothing, no uniforms, and instead of wearing steel toed boots while taking turns with heavy hammers and huge stakes, they wore flip flops!  

The buildings are fascinating.  Parts of our drive reminded me of being in Times Square because of the crowding of buildings, advertising, people and traffic.  The similarities end there, however.

I am in Bangladesh (#1)

... not because this has been one of those places on my lengthy list of "must visit" countries.  It's because my daughter, Lisa, son-in-law, Abu, and four-year old granddaughter, Sara, moved to Abu's homeland October 1, 2012.  My new grandson, Samiul Taher, joined them March 12th.  The plan was for me to be here upon Sam's arrival, but babies (and adult children) have their own calendar of events which often surprise us all.

This blog is an inside-outlook at my journey.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

I left MN 22 hours ago.  I have 11 hours ahead of me before I arrive in Dhaka.  It's noon in Minnesota and 9pm in Dubai.  I'm in the Dubai airport with a voucher from Emirates airline for dinner at a seafood, fast-food restaurant.  I've been in a fuzzy state of mind since getting off the plane.  I feel dizzy and like I'm moving in slow motion.  It reminds me of how I felt getting off the boat after sailing in the sun all day and longing for a shower.      

During this 6 hour layover I am walking the B terminal end to end and looking into the many shops.  The gold jewelry is so beautiful!  I passed those and instead bought candy as gifts for Abu's family.  When checking out, the clerk sympathetically said, "You look tired."  And that was after freshening up and applying make-up!

The bathrooms here are the cleanest I've seen!  After each use, a woman goes into the stall and mops the floor and does any other necessary cleaning.  The sink area is dry and the sinks are washed regularly.  You don't see that often in a public restroom!

Companions on the Journey

On my trip from MN to Seattle I was seated between two women on vacation together.  It seemed odd to sit between friends who would likely be talking with one another along the way, but even before take off we all struck up conversation that never quit for the entire flight. We told stories of our travels and adventures as we got to know one another.  One of them, Janice, had lived in Alaska and worked with a fly and fish outfitter.  Talk about living in the wild!  I told her that in Bangladesh everyone sleeps under mosquito netting.  She said that on many of her trips they would need to wear a suit of netting!  The black flies and mosquitoes were thick as they landed on them.  I cannot imagine!  That's one adventure I hope to never experience.

On the flight to Dubai, I was seated next to Daniel, a cool skateboard dude (26 yrs old) who was on his way to Australia.  He, not unlike my own daughter, sold all his belongings and car,  quit his job and left his family (and girlfriend) in order to follow his desire for more in life than the American Dream had to offer.  I admired his openness with me as he talked about his feelings of discontent with going through the motions in life and knowing that for him, there had to be more than accumulating stuff.  Daniel admitted to feeling nervous going it alone, giving up so much and moving to a place he knows little about.  He explained that his motivation comes from the desire to live life another more relevant way.  Daniel is blogging as he goes.  You can follow him at this link www.severedecay.com

Shortly into our flight to Dubai, Daniel helped me with the only problem I'd had through the whole trip.  Before leaving home, I cut my bangs and a piece of hair flew into my right eye.  I could not see it, but felt the irritation.  My eye became red and increasingly painful over 10 hours!  I asked Daniel to help me by holding my mirror and a flashlight while I went searching for the problem.  We both saw it at the same time.  There it was, lodged half-in and half-out of my tear duct!  How weird is that?!   Thank goodness for fingernails (since I didn't have a tweezers).  I was able to extract it - finally!  Daniel was impressed and told me, "Wow! You've got skills!"